Sibling Rivalry Can Become a Balancing Act for the Whole Family

By Published On: April 21st, 2016Comments Off on Sibling Rivalry Can Become a Balancing Act for the Whole Family

My younger sister Maddi never managed to beat me in competition, and that’s a distinct point of a pride from my ski racing career. Perhaps due to the three-year age gap and competing for different teams, we were separated just enough in the ski world to keep up us competitive yet supportive.

Of course, an independent evaluator of our careers as a whole might say Maddi had a more successful one – qualifying for major events like Whistler Cup and standing on the top step of the podium at FIS races. But I like to hold onto the notion that having an older sister to compete against helped push her, and maybe I’m not totally off base.

Older siblings have tremendous impact on their younger family members, according to a 2008 study by Nickolas W. Davis and Barbara B. Meyer in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology. “Older siblings have been shown to exert authority by providing influential assistance to younger siblings, who have, in turn, reported increased admiration toward older siblings,” the report states. “Similarly, Azmitia and Hesser found that young children … were more likely to observe, emulate, and confer with older siblings … than with older peers. In addition, older siblings have been shown to provide more explanation and feedback than do peers.”

Norway’s Leif Kristian Haugen, a fixture on the World Cup circuit and graduate of the University of Denver, understands this responsibility as an older sibling. Haugen’s younger sister, Kristine, and younger brother, Per Torstein, both ski race and have learned from their older brother’s experience.

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Photo from @LeifHaugen

“I talk to them regularly,” Leif said. “I’m paying pretty close attention to their development and how they’re doing, trying to give them advice on how to get further in the sport. … I’ve gone up the road before them and I know what I’ve done right and wrong on the road, so I wouldn’t want to see them do the same mistakes I’ve done on the way.”

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm, a child psychologist, noted the effects of competition on siblings for the Davidson Institute of Talent Development. “When the first child exhibits unusual talent, she is likely to be the recipient of special parent and school attention, unusual educational opportunities, and a multitude of honors and awards,” she wrote. “This child thus becomes the pace-setter for the siblings who follow. High standards are set, and younger siblings believe that in order to earn equal recognition they must achieve a similar level of success.”

“I hate it when it happens – that he beats me in something, but at the same time it’s good. It’s driving us both to get better.”

– Leif Kristian Haugen

Leif admits there is some sibling rivalry amongst them, and that when they are all together, they pace each other. Kristine and Leif have the same number of NCAA team championship titles from their years at Denver. However, Kristine has more individual NCAA titles from her career. When it comes to his youngest sibling, Per Torstein, Leif gets especially pushed when they go road biking together.

“I don’t want to be beaten by my younger brother, if you know what I mean,” Leif said. “We have a good tone. But for sure, if I’m beating him on the bike up the mountain, I’ll let him know and he’ll hate it. And the opposite. I’ve been left behind by my brother a couple times on the bike. I hate it when it happens – that he beats me in something, but at the same time it’s good. It’s driving us both to get better.”

In the case of the Haugen family, the age differences and gender split create a competitive and supportive dynamic. Leif was recently ecstatic when his younger brother scored a career-best result at a Norwegian FIS race in Geilo while he was at a training camp with the national team in Kvitfjell. They may be able to compete against each other while training, but the FIS structure tends to separate them in official races, at least for now. The Haugen siblings’ relationship does not necessarily qualify as the norm for athletic sisters and brothers, especially those of the same sex.

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The Haugen siblings workout together at a park in Norway. Photo from @KJHaugen

What happens when your children are the same gender and may even be the same age?

In the case of Lauren and Emma Speiser, training on the same team means always having a friend to train with, travel with and pull you out of the powder when you get stuck. “I think it’s really nice because I’m sometimes homesick and then she helps me out not only with my skiing, but with missing my family,” Emma, the younger of the two, said of traveling with her older sister to Treble Cone Race Academy summer camps in New Zealand.

At the young ages of 12 and 14, the relationship between the sisters is complex – a fine balance between support and rivalry. “One day, a couple years ago, it was a powder day and we were all trying to get down,” Lauren recalled. “I know that I definitely wanted to be the first down and I think Emma might have crashed and I helped her up and we just tried to ski down. It was a competition, but it was just really fun.”

Dawn E. Trussell, assistant professor in the Department of Recreation and Leisure Studies at Brock University, studies the relationships between organized youth sports and families. In 2012, she authored a paper that addresses some of the challenges of raising siblings who compete in the same sports.

“Davis and Meyer, in their study of elite athletes who compete against each other, found that siblings provided emotional support in many different ways,” Trussell explained in the article. “For example, siblings would often cheer, display pride, and offer words of encouragement for their sister/brother’s achievements. Sibling athletes were also found to provide ‘instructional support to one another through such means as assisting with strategies, facilitating focus, and offering sport-specific advice.’”

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Lauren and Emma Speiser share some down time at Treble Cone Race Academy.

The relationship between siblings in a sport can also turn sour as older children strive to maintain their athletic superiority and younger siblings strive to create their own identity and strengths outside the shadow of their older siblings.

In Davis and Meyer’s paper on same-sex siblings, they wrote, “Tesser found that among children with similar interests (e.g., academics), the less capable sibling was likely to de-identify with the activity as a way of preserving self-esteem. Similarly, Cornell and Grossberg found that siblings who were not labeled as gifted or talented by their parents had lower levels of self-esteem and higher levels of anxiety than their labeled counterparts.”

These challenges are especially important for parents to understand if they hope to encourage both siblings to continue pursuing a sport whether or not one is perceived as more talented than the other.

Shawn Benjaminson, the mother of twin 11-year-old daughters on the Squaw Valley Ski Team, takes extra steps as a parent to encourage her children’s love of skiing and soccer while maintaining a strong relationship between the two girls.

“There was one year where they were separated,” she explained. “Kaycee went to Far West and Riley stayed on development just so they didn’t have to compete against each other because it was pretty hard when one person medals and the other person doesn’t. We always say, ‘Hey, it’s a great day when they both come home with medals.’”

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Photo courtesy of Shawn Benjaminson

Riley and Kaycee also compete on the soccer field. Because they play on separate teams in that sport as well, they do end up facing each other head-to-head during the season. “We’re very competitive and when we’re playing against each other, we always want to win and the person who doesn’t is always disappointed,” Kaycee Benjaminson said.

When it comes to sisters going head-to-head, there is, perhaps, no rivalry more famous than that between Venus and Serena Williams. Serena, who has won six U.S. Open and six Wimbledon titles, will be the first to tell you that her sister is her toughest competitor.

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“She’s a player that knows how to win, knows how to beat me and knows my weaknesses better than anyone,” Serena told ESPN.

Maybe that makes a sibling the best person to train with. Research on the effects of sibling rivalry on athletes from youth sports into elite competition remains somewhat inconclusive. Whether a younger sibling or older sibling becomes more successful sometimes does come down to sheer talent and passion. What the studies seem to show is that having siblings to train with increases the level of skill and competition. With power siblings out there like Irene and Elena Curtoni of the Italian World Cup Ski Team, Venus and Serena Williams in professional tennis, and Peyton and Eli Manning in football, it’s hard to argue with that logic.

For all the ski racing siblings out there: When you’re fighting with your sister or brother, remember to thank them. They may just be the key to your success.

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About the Author: Gabbi Hall

A California native, Gabbi moved to Vermont to ski on the NCAA circuit for St. Michael’s College, where she served as team captain and studied journalism. Before joining Ski Racing, she worked as a broadcast TV producer and social media manager in higher education. She can be reached via email at gabbi@skiracing.com